Monday 9:16 am
You bought me coffee and it spilled all over me and burned my skin. How fucking ironic.
Tuesday 12:36 pm
I wrote a poem about you for English class. My teacher gave me an A and sent me to the guidance counselor.
Wednesday 4:09 am
You now have a voicemail from me crying into the phone. Please don’t bring it up later.
Thursday 8:08 pm
I skipped school today because my heart was bleeding, I think. I don’t really know what’s going on in my chest right now. But I think it feels like what you’d feel if your heart started bleeding. And I know hearts are supposed to pump blood and stuff so I guess it’s like hearts are always bleeding but that’s not what I mean. I mean like, if someone fucking slashed it down the middle.
Friday 12:19 pm
I’m hiding in the back of the library because the new boy in math class smells like you and I got dizzy.
Saturday 6:03 am
I haven’t fucking slept and I need to hear your voice but I know that if I do I’ll fucking lose it. But does it really matter? I’ve already lost you. What else is left? You were everything. That was a really big mistake. I shouldn’t have made you everything. You could’ve been half of everything. Then maybe I’d be half okay. And you can come back from half okay. You can get good. But you can’t come back from the dead. I’m so fucking dead. You were so fucking everything.
Sunday 10:09 pm
I can’t sleep because you’re not here. But if you were here, I’d just be shaking really hard, trying to keep my heart from pounding so hard it breaks my ribs, and trying to keep from kissing you. Maybe I’ll just never sleep again. You always said you liked the way I look when I’m tired.
You never apologized to me for hurting me, but I apologized to you 12 times for being angry about it.
— (via ghostlytreats)
I wanted to scream, I wanted to burst in tears, I wanted to get drunk and kill myself…. But all I could do was stare at the wall in silence.
— (via missinyouiskillingme)
We’re not something, but we’re not nothing.
— (via bl-ossomed)
it was like the whole world was spinning around me but i was never moving
like a bad song on repeat but you dont even have the energy or the will to change it
the sadness is all you could concentrate on
i was living but not really alive and i was breathing but only because oxygen still went through my lungs and forced me to inhale and exhale
i had days where a box of cigarette was my best friend and my lips pressed against the little shot glasses with vodka in them, seemed more appealing than using my lips for kissing that boy im apparently 'seeing’ now
i didn't want to be seeing him or anyone
i wanted to be happy, i wanted someone to listen to me and be there
i was so sick of being there for others but when i needed anything i felt like a burden
you had such big brown eyes and i swore i liked green eyes before i saw yours
you became my cigarettes and i enjoyed pressing my lips against yours instead drowning myself in vodka every single night i felt like washing the pain out
i got hooked on many drugs after we died out not because i was sad
i was numb to sadness by this point
but simply because vodka wasn't strong enough anymore to wash you away
i wanted you to stay, i wanted you to love me and never be able to die without me by your side
i realized quickly that your smile wasn’t because you loved who i was as a person
but because i was pretty
i didn't want to be pretty i wanted to be someone you cannot un-love
i wanted strangers to notice, you were in love with me
but now i am beginning to understand that you could never love someone who found more comfort in drugs then any kind of friendship
i turned into someone who was addicted to toxins because it removed me from the world
i forgot about the sadness
i was coughing out blood the next day but your name was the only thing i could think about
i was on my bathroom floor but i fucking wish i was in your arms
but who was i fooling
you were with her
i dont know if you love her
but i know for sure she wouldn’t die for you
i think real love is when you’d give up everything for the other
and god knows i’d stand in a burning house for you
tell me where did i go wrong
was it my bitchy temper
did i try to much
did i love you too much
i didn’t know there was such fucking thing
i guess ill go back to where i began
before i ever met you
i never want to meet another “you”
now i can’t commit
i can’t believe someone could ever truly love me
because you made me feel unlovable
oh well
at least drugs dont leave you, like lovers do
i learnt this the hard way but the love i have for you is the strongest drug i’ll ever be on.
— ~j (via bubbly)
You’ll never find the right person if you never let go of the wrong one.
— unknown (via frequents)
